Shane of Memphis

2011-08-10T09:22:00.002-05:00

This post says much of what I have been thinking lately.

Its going to sting a little, but read through it.

2011-01-07T00:21:00.001-06:00

Am I supposed to write now?

No. I am supposed to write on Saturday.

HEY HEY

2010-10-26T15:29:00.002-05:00

Just this past Sunday I started a part time job as what I can only describe as the best effing grocery store I have ever seen.

Based on the European market model, Central Market is just so awesome. Check out the website. Or come visit. You won't be disappointed.

Mental Floss

2010-09-27T13:19:00.003-05:00

So for the past month and a half, I have been on a terrific upswing. A close friend suggested this book to me. Really, he didn't so much as suggest it, as buy it for me, inscribe the inside cover, and hand it to me. The book is MAXIMUM ACHIEVEMENT, by Brian Tracy.

I opened it up when I got home, with a small amount of skepticism. I had long been in the company of proponents of these books, audiotapes, cd's, and whatnot.

The change had begun before I even finished the first chapter.

I have never felt more in control of things, felt such promise about the future, and been determined to make my own success. The book led to the borrowing of a audio disc set that I listen to in my car. Its been really, really eye-opening. Not only have I been given insight into my own thoughts, feelings, and expectations; but into that of others. Any book that suggests starting the day with the words; "I like myself," can't be all bad.

The last three weeks have been emotionally charged for my family. Our dog Rosco died suddenly on September 9th, my grandmother entered the hospital on the 17th after a series of strokes, and my sister gave birth to my second niece on the 18th. The next week my parents went for what I'm guessing what a couples' colonoscopy. I ask them, was a guy with some pvc pipe and a flashlight? Mom did fine, dad had two polyps removed, and thirty percent of another.

He goes in today for surgery to remove the rest. He's pretty nervous about it, from what I hear. What else do you expect when someone have always considered themselves as invincible? I'm sure he'll do fine, but he has been given a wake-up call of sorts. My dad has always been a pretty healthy guy, running, lifting weights, not smoking, no drinking. The epitome of health. This may just be a big priority shift.

All of these events would have sent me over the edge just a year ago. Hell, even two months ago. But, its not going to now.

I don't know if I can affect or control anything outside of my head. But as long as I have that, I can do anything.

UGH

2010-09-24T14:59:00.002-05:00

I spent some time reading over my blog. I'm surprised people don't set the internets afire after reading the nonsense I write.

More this weekend.

Rules of Attraction

2010-08-29T15:39:00.004-05:00

As I write this, I am sitting in my apartment. I'm watching Californication, just finished Rules of Attraction, and doing laundry. Its been an interesting seven months since my last post, notthat I havn't had anything to say, I just kept saying it to myself. The last year has been full of trials and tribulations, some things for the better, some things not.

In the past year, I have separated from my wife, drank a lot, moved to Fort Worth, gotten divorced, drank less, and had more than my share of introspection. I know I am on the right path, but I also realize that its a long way back. I feel like I have been in a Bret Easton Ellis novel. Minus the death, mind you. Everything else applies.

I grew up moving a lot. My father worked for Walmart, moving up from city to city, opening up new stores across the Midsouth. Once lived in a house for the entire month of February, and it wasn't a leap year. I was always the new guy, always making new friends and leaving others behind. Males never like the new guy, girls always do. Perhaps explains my distrust of guys, and my proclivity for finding female friends as an adult.

As the new guy, it always helps to look nice, to be smart, and to make jokes. My father made a good living, so the outward appearances were easy. I think I've been better than average in appearance my entire life, clothes make the man, and you can never go wrong with Ralph Lauren. I'm also smart. There's no reason for self-deprecation there. Intelligence is a true gift, not to be taken lightly. My first gifted class was in kindergarten. I learned to read before I entered school, by age four, and this was not lost on Mrs. Brewer. She was my kindergarten teacher.

Story time has long been a part of kindergarten classes, and mine was no different. The only major difference was that instead of Mrs. Brewer reading the stories, it became my job. The idea was to motivate the others to learn to read. As if they didnt want to, or they needed peer pressure to learn it. You know where that peer pressure went? Onto me. I felt like an outcast, like the center of attention. I didn't want that. I wanted to play just like the other kids, to have stories read to me. To particpate in nap time. The shit never let up.

In first grade, at a new school, I was hanging with the 3rd graders for reading, spelling, & math. Second grade, new school. New kids, second grade math, spelling, & reading. Seems the new school system had no concessions for such things as me. Third grade(new school) was fifth grade math, reading, spelling, French, and computers. Fourth grade, new school in ABQ, was sixth grade reading & spelling, along with band. I played the trumpet. Shortly into my fourth grade year, we moved back to Tennessee. To live with my grandparents while my father completed his separation from Walmart. He gave up an extrodinary amount then, and would again later. I entered the Lauderdale County school system. I wouldnt be allowed gifted classes, as there was no reciprocity with ABQ systems. And it was small town politics. Spent the rest of the year there. Moved to the Shelby County system for fifth grade, at Elmore Park Elementary. I was back in the regular curriculum. The behavior problems started there.

More later. I feel like I'm being a whiny bitch, and can only do so in intervals.

Spring Chickens

2010-02-04T09:49:00.002-06:00

I don't get some men's obsession with young (18-22) women. Sure, they may not have laugh lines, less "flaws", perkier breasts and all...but I don't care for them.

I love my late-twenties and older, ladies.

First of all, they don't usually play stupid games. They have some life experience. They are usually more comfortable in their bodies. I'm speaking in generalities here.

These women are more world-wise, opinionated, and confident.

Have I mentioned the sex drive?

Maybe I'm a little slow coming around to it, but I am only 33. And I've been in a relationship with a woman seven years my junior. She was just a baby when we met. She's grown so much since she was 21, and now entering her late twenties, and has changed so much.

It's been an interesting few months since the separation. I'll leave it at that for now.

But was I looking to settle down again? Hell no. But in a strange twist, I met someone I really cared for. We spiraled for a bit, then we went in different directions. We still say hello from time to time, but its as friends. And its nice.

Then along comes someone else. Well they overlapped by a day or two, but it was innocent to begin with. On my part at least.

She's in her early thirties, smart, funny, successful, and great to be around. Our personalities mesh really well. Something rare for me to find, since I'm such a looney toon sometimes.

She's also beautiful.

But it's complicated. Very. We have some things to figure out.

Stay tuned.

Memphis in the Meantime

2010-02-03T15:17:00.004-06:00

I'm going to be in Memphis this weekend. Its going to be very interesting. More later.

Lars & the Real Girl

2010-01-28T08:25:00.000-06:00

I love this scene. I could watch it over and over.

Soothing the Savage Beast

2010-01-18T12:00:00.002-06:00

I love music. Love it. It never fails to affect me in some way, for better or worse.

I first discovered this Eva Cassidy version of "Over the Rainbow" about a decade ago. Its a wonderfully beautiful version, much better than the original. Anyhow, for many years this song would bring out the ol waterworks EVERY DAMN TIME I listened to it. Mostly, it was because I hated everything about my life, and this song gave me hope. That maybe there was a happy future out there for me. That maybe everything would be okay. Someday.

These days, its not like that. I have a pretty good thing going on. Its just a damn fine song.

The other song that really touched me at an important time was "Rain," by Patty Griffin.

The lyrics spoke to me, and gave me hope that there was someone else out there who had gone, or was going through what I was. Feeling rejected, alone, depressed, and hopeless. It also helped me to sort of pick myself up, and strengthened my resolve to be okay.

Enjoy.

Knows No Bounds

2010-01-14T10:58:00.003-06:00

With all of my ranting about sex and relationships, I believe in love at first sight. Always have.

And I believe in love at no sight.

I think with all the ways of communicating that we have, one can get to know another very well with out ever meeting face-to-face. Isn't that what true love proponents are always speaking of? It's more than skin deep? Without skin, is it even more true?

Or is it the way the other makes us feel? In that case are we in love with the way that person makes us feel? Or is it, as many science-leaning propose, merely a chemical reaction?

If it is indeed chemical, then does it matter what the catalyst is for said reaction?

I'm not pessimistic about love.

I'm in love with being in love.

I'm in love with her. She's out there.

We're All Mad Here

2010-01-12T15:17:00.003-06:00

My musings, however weird, have brought out some interesting reactions. I have been contacted on more than one occasion, and been given opinions that run the gamut. Almost all are positive. I suppose the folks with negative ones don't bother with the trouble.

I'm sitting here in my office, no one around. I probably see two or three different faces a day. The same faces every day. The day is wake up, work, go home.

A loss of human interaction is a strange thing. I miss being surrounded by people all day. I guess that this is my way of interacting, and the reason for my fierce addiction to twitter. I am a rabid drunk tweeter. I delete them in the morning. I know they're out there somewhere, mocking me. Airing my dysfunction to the world. Oh well.

Everyone has their thing, ya know?

Perhaps I'm most surprised by the fact that honesty is so uncommon. Some people are afraid of what others think to a grotesque extent. I've never had that problem. Perhaps its unfortunate that I haven't.

I've maybe always been a bit out there, a bit on the edge, a bit too wild. I look like your typical guy, nothing extraordinary about me - except for the fact that I'm built like Jethro. I have never tried to be someone I'm not.

Lately I have been really impressed by a few instances of honesty. People taking a chance, putting themselves out there. Confirming my suspicions. The most perfect are often the most fucked up. And its beautiful.

I've been watching Eternal Sunshine a lot lately. I'm sure that's going to bring something out of me.

The Grey Matter

2010-01-11T11:06:00.002-06:00

I don't pretend to have any new ideas, no startlingly fresh hypotheses on living life, or stark revelations for the world. What I do have, is a new found sense of introspection. What's that old quote about an unexamined life?

With all of this horrifying train wreck of what I am calling extroverted introspection, a sense of calm has come over me. I feel more accepting of my life, and the choices I have made. I don't feel guilty about anything. I repented to myself.

Recently, my mind has been poring over what seems to be a central theme here. Relationships. Plural. I am having serious doubts that people were made to partner up for life. Monogamy I can completely accept, and think its a good idea.

Its just that for so long our life expectancies hovered under 40 years or so. Life was harder then, too. Children were born and died in their youth. The family unit only prospered if all stuck together.

We have so many distractions today, so many options, so much independence. Our family units are no longer the dire necessity they once were. The traditional male and female roles are fading away. I say, "good." They're stupid anyway. Both sexes can be meek, powerful, and anywhere in between.

It just seems awfully presumptuous to think of forever. If it works out that way, fine. But I feel more comfortable with saying, "for now." Yes, it comes across as flaky, but in reality, how often does forever work out? How often should it?

All this after a marriage that decided that "divorce was not an option," from the start. Bad sign. Neither of us had the courage to be alone, to move on, or to just quit.

We get along well, now. Had we loved when it was right, and not when it wasn't we'd both be better off.

That's the problem with forever. It becomes a goal, rather than the realization of one's own needs. With one's self-preservation. The idea on which all species are based. Self-preservation and procreation.

I think I can safely say its no longer as important for the procreation. At least in the large numbers needed previously.

Sure, the practice is nice.

Misty Water

2010-01-08T12:00:00.002-06:00

My first memory.

I can't tell if its a true memory, or one I manufactured after seeing a photo. I suppose it doesn't matter, because either way my brain puts it into the slot labeled, "first."

About one year old, at the park with my parents. Pine trees all around, and concrete picnic tables. The typical park.

My parents sit me on the concrete table, and walk off. They hide behind some bushes until I start to cry. I see my mom peek around the corner, and she and my dad come back and scoop me up.

What's the significance? There may be none. But it may explain everything.

ME LIKEY

2010-01-06T17:08:00.001-06:00

Buried Treasure

2010-01-06T14:42:00.002-06:00

If you go looking for something, don't be upset when you find it.

Someone tipped Megan off about my blog, she read it, and got upset.

Firstly, not my problem. This is for me. Its me reaching inside and pulling out what I can. Though I fully believe that we are making the right choice, doesn't mean that it can't hurt. It does. Deeply.

Secondly, she gets on Twitter often to read what I'm up to. I could make them private, but again, not my problem. I know she's not the only that reads them.

I'm doing my best, something that's never been good enough. There are some very interesting people that have come into my life lately. I feel its easier to make positive steps without being constantly reminded of past missteps. I try to be open, but also fear being castigated for the things I do.

I'm not happy about everything I've ever done. No one is.

I often find myself drawn towards people for unexplained reasons. Its not for me to question it, but I feel it is more important go with the flow. Sometimes its good, sometimes bad, but always an experience. I give all of myself to it. Until it hurts.

But I'd do it again, and again.

Scars are interesting, perfection is boring.

Uplifting song

2010-01-05T10:42:00.003-06:00

I've always liked this song. Nice instruments and lyrics.

Perchance to dream

2010-01-04T16:25:00.002-06:00

Its strange how things happen, how intuition and the dogged pursuit of happiness play out.

I've never been one to hold back, I do it with gusto. I rarely have feelings of timidness. I put myself out there.

Recently, I've been reminded of what rejection feels like. I also have been reminded of what great feelings having a crush can bring about. I haven't always made the best choices, but they were mine. I made them. Apathy is a stinky cologne, it doesn't smell good on anyone.

This, my long lost blog, has been a key factor in this past week. I feel closer to some people because of it, and futher from others. And that's good. Holding on doesn't do any good, letting go hurts too much, somewhere in the middle is neutral gound.

I see others in happy relationships and in happy singledom. Not everything is for everyone.

I will say this. I want their happiness. I'm not down right now, nowhere like I have been before. But I want their happiness, even if it is only on the surface. I have a hard time managing even that sometimes.

Most of all, I want to know them. I want to be in their presence, to know what they know.

Epilogue

2009-12-30T16:46:00.002-06:00

Not sure where I'm going, or what's in store. Who really is anyway. I have come out of everything with a new perspective. I started off with mainly concern for myself and those I know. Somewhere along the way, I began to feel for others, for the human connection. For the world at large. Priorities have shifted, from the material to a focus on the mental and emotional.

I guess I feel like an old belt. Scratched, discolored, worn in spots. Soft to the touch, yet somehow stronger - and I know my way through the loops.

A New Day

2009-12-30T16:17:00.002-06:00

We separated at the end of October. I went to NOLA to get away from it all. Wallet, cell, and cash were pick pocketed from me in broad daylight.

It was time for Megan to abandon me. While my folks we preparing to come down in case the casino wouldn't let me have the money waiting at Western Union, Megan had no such delusions. I had no i.d. and they were not ready to just hand it over. Fortunately, I keep a lot of paperwork and stuff in the glove box. The info I had satisfied them. I was on my way back.

Right before the end, Megan said something that summed it up for me, and aided in my decision to end couples' therapy. I went downstairs and brought up a Popsicle for her. I took a small bite. She got PISSED. "I don't share like you do," came the reply. No Shit.

Anna came along sorta accident-like. I tweeted something, she tweeted a DM. We hit it off pretty well. Very well considering what I had just come from. Then again, the marriage had died long ago. She was intelligent, FUNNY AS A BASTARD, and fucking beautiful. We talked on the phone several times a day, texted like mad, and gchatted constantly. I went to Memphis to see her on December 11th. I hadn't seen her in years, she was friends with my little sister when we were all younger. Full circle, it seems.

Holy shit. She met me at my hotel room, I left a key for her at the front desk. She walked in, gave a nervous smile, and took my breath away. Literally. I didn't know what to say. Except, "Come on in." Smooth as a baby's bottom, I am. I walked a few steps to greet her, we paused, and kissed. I swear lightning shot out of my fingertips. I finished getting ready. Went to dinner at Flight, which was excellent. We spent a fantastic weekend together, minus a few other engagements.

She dropped me off at my car after brunch. I didn't want to leave. This hurt. Bad. How did "all this," as she liked to say, happen? We stayed in touch like mad all week. She had a few parties for the weekend.

Something was different. I asked her if it was. We gchatted. She wants to explore something unexpected with an old friend, says she didn't expect it. Ouch.

I took it well, considering.

Until Xmas Eve, when I got a bit down and rowdy, said some things to the world that I never should have. Fucked right up. Not sure where things lie right now. I have heard from her about various things that needed to be cleared up. I have apologized and meant it more than any time before.

I got a text from Jami on Dec 26th. "Merry Christmas to you :)"

I sent one back. "Happy Holidays!"

A few back and forth...she's moving out of her current place. From the tone, I'm guessing its a relationship thing. She's turned down three marriage proposals. All successful men. She doesn't care, wants that person to be her "other half."

Invited me to visit sometime in the spring.

The thing is, I might take my chances on Anna.

Onward, Through the Fog

2009-12-30T15:18:00.003-06:00

The first couple of months were pretty good. We were getting along, paying the bills, and you-know-who was getting some much needed attention. The thoughts of Jami were becoming far less frequent. Far less.

We had people over to the house, threw dinner parties, and went to Puerto Vallarta for our honeymoon. Drank at the pool bar, went to town, shopped a bit, and had a pretty fine time. Met some nice folks, too. By this time it was May. The newness had worn off and the drudgery had set it, I guess. I tried some foreplay, and it, along with the alcohol, did the trick. I've always been more of a giver, but its hard to enjoy when you're not appreciated for the, um, efforts. Not being wanted makes you feel cheap, dirty, and pathetic. At least there was Lisa, a guest who was staying there at the same time. She had been brazen about flirting with me, but I had no intention of accepting. I didn't. She went back home to Seattle. It was nice to be noticed, though.

We got back to life at home, and fell into the same patterns. You did this, you didn't do that...so predictable.

We had gotten things more under control as far as going out, drinking too much, and our budgets. Things were going well for the most part. The rest of the year was kinda uneventful, although we did start trying to "be tourists" in our own city.

It worked out well, we joined the Brooks, started going to South Main, visiting different parts of town, meeting new people. It felt like we might be breaking out of the rut. We started looking for a place to move to. Found several in midtown, one on Jefferson that we were really fond of. the timing was just a bit off.

In Feb 2009, the owner of our home decided to change management companies. We wanted out, as this guy had the let home near foreclosure at the end of the year, sending Megan into fits. We got out of our lease, and found a place near South Main. 460 Tennessee. Big loft, great view, excellent location.

Our problems followed us there, but the difference was now that I could leave when I wanted to, or had to. I'm no good at staying around and hashing out, I need to cool off and get my thoughts together. Megan was the opposite, she seemed to already have a lesson plan prepared for me. I fucking hate that.

I got into trouble for a bit of skirmish downtown in March, I never got to live that down. Maybe I shouldn't, but no one tells you when the rules had changed. Megan thought she had done all of this growing, when in reality she was just denying herself. And me.

We made the best of it.

In June I was notified that I may be picked for a transfer to a struggling store, to help rehab it. I accepted the transfer to Jackson, MS. My employer consented to everything I was going to need to ensure a smooth transition, at least financially.

Megan picked out the place. A two-story town home in a walkable neighborhood. Its a nice enough place.

She applied and was accepted to law school, and got a scholarship for 50% of tuition. Student loans would pay for the other half. We bought her a new car, since we had carpooled for about 18 months. The stress of school, with her being busy, or of her own admission, avoiding me was becoming unbearable. My drinking was getting out of hand. Hers wasn't much better. Just walking through the door was miserable. At each other's throats constantly. As bad as its ever been.

I was picked up off the sidewalk in the rain. A couple of miles from home. I had been at a bar several blocks over drinking vodka and vodkas. Never a good idea for me. Beer is the best option. Megan came to pick me up. I looked at the clock, it was 4:29 in the morning. No missed calls.

My Piece of the Pie

2009-12-30T12:38:00.004-06:00

My grandfather had just died.

He spent 38 years on the river. One month on, one month off. We'd go fishing, he let me drive the truck on the highway when I was nine years old. I smoked his cigars when I was three. He's gone.

As my family prays and cries, and says they'll be seeing him in heaven, I have no such assurances. I cry, sure. But my source of comfort is spending a hour, outside, in the rain, talking to him. He never got more than a third grade education, but was a wise man. He retired as Pilot of the Dredge Burgess. The boat was responsible for keeping lanes open between Cairo, IL and Vicksburg, MS. It, like he, is now at rest.

We have the funeral. I have trivia. I leave Wednesday. There are phone calls exchanged, insults hurled, hearts broken until Saturday. Its been a crazy week. I'm at a house just north of Jackson Ave, and lying in a bed, looking out the window.

The snow begins to fall, slowly at first, then furiously. Its beautiful, clean, pure, and I know its falling on to a house just across town. The TV is playing the Kings of Arena Rock station. AC/DC, Boston, White Lion, they're all there. I'm trying to focus on what's going on outside, torn between pride and sadness. The sun's getting low, and the streetlights begin to flicker on. What do I do? I can go through with the plans to hit Beale Street, or I can go home. The crossroads.

Nick drops me off just after dark, Megan meets me at the door. My paltry little pile of belongings is in one corner of the room. Megan and I begin a long talk that takes us through the gamut of emotions, and ends with a phone call to my parents. They're in Florida for a convention for my father's job.

"I need help," I say. "We'll do whatever it takes, son," comes the reply from my father.

The help never comes.

At least from outside myself.

Megan finds a job with the Better Business Bureau, and I begin the hunt. We're exercising, taking little drives around town together, and making ends meet. I haven't done a trivia show since that miserably failed one at Mulligan's Pinch, just the day before the snow. Nick couldn't add the scores, messed up the sheet, and I had to enlist outside help. A disaster. But things are better now, looking hopeful. I've got an interview.

I get the news the Friday before Memorial Day, I got the job at Memphis Communications Company. It's gonna be a good weekend. Megan has never been canoeing, and ol' Japeth is with us. The weekend goes as always, too many beers, bruises, and sun. I've got some suit buying to look forward to as well.

MCC is a local company owned by Evangelicals. Perfect. I should fit right in there. They pay structure is a straight commission gig, with no money for gas, mileage, or expenses. Great pay for someone like me, who has a problem with controlling their thoughts and emotions. It takes me three months to get my first commission check, but when it gets there, what a fucking relief. Its huge. Then comes another, and another, then...nothing for over a month. It goes on like this until May 2007. My days until then were spent driving, worrying, thinking about Jami, wondering how I'm going to pay our bills, when do I get the next check? What's going on with Megan and I? This isn't working.

We had racked up a substantial amount of credit card bills being without genuine employment for so long. As an added bonus, perhaps as motivation for my job, we moved out of the Shanty in August of 2006. We were now in a two-bedroom house in East Memphis. I was making more income than I have ever made. There was no way to budget for it, the feast, the famine, the stress of it all was killing me. It was easier when I didn't give a damn.

Megan had slept with someone the last weekend of trivia. I knew she would, and who could blame her? She had been abandoned. But this was different. I had just changed jobs, she had blown hundreds of dollars on a birthday party for me. Now she was dumping me after a canoe trip. I knew she was going to, but this was different. I knew the guy. He was at my fucking birthday party. Yes, we had a big public blowout, but to talk to this guy all weekend while canoeing, and then ask me to leave the house as soon as we get home? Then go out with him that night?

She fell apart for a couple of weeks, and so did I. I still had my clothes there, so we would see each other in the morning. My thoughts were smashing around in my head, threatening to burst out of my eyes. I was in the car, back and forth from places as far away as Tupelo. I had made an appointment with a psychiatrist, but was I going to be able to make it the next few weeks?

After much distress, drama, and counseling from friends, we somehow made a flimsy little pact to see how things went. I started my medication for depression, anxiety, OCD, & possible PTSD stemming all the way back to Sept 2001, but it was going to take some time to see how the treatment went.

Halloween of 2007, we decided to celebrate by going to New Orleans. It had been at the suggestion of my doctor.

I went to Nashville for a product training convention in mid-November. I called Jami to see if she could talk me out of what I was about to do. Her voicemail was full.

Thanksgiving of 2007, we went to Chicago. Had a bit of a tiff with my sister who was living there at the time. We got over, at least we had each other.

I still thought about her, though not as much as before. This is definitely a side effect of the meds.

December 21st, 2007...we are married by Ministers in a Minute, in a little house near where we lived. My friends J & D rented us a cabin for the night. It was the happiest I had ever been.

It was also the happiest I would be for some time.

A Season in the Abyss

2009-12-30T08:49:00.004-06:00

"I was pregnant with your baby, but I had an abortion," is what Jenny tells me.

All I could do was manage a long, speechless stare. I turned around, and mumbled incoherently under my breath as I walked away. Four Jager bombs, please.

I had a trivia show to do, it was my income. Megan is here, along with some other friends. Jenny is with Christa and Nick. They're gonna play trivia. They're part of a rotating group of friends that get together on random, shady, anonymous nights. Nick likes the party favors a little too much, and he is all too willing to share them. Especially tonight.

I do the show, everything goes smoothly. Megan and I sit at a table near the others. Maybe its because I needed to. No one mentions what Jenny has said, but we all know about it. Except Megan.

Drinks flow, cigarettes are smoked, and nothing of substance is said. I get up for what is my seemingly 15th leak of the night, and Jenny follows me. "What are you doing with that little girl?" Jenny's 25, and Megan is 21 - soon to be 22. "She's my girlfriend," with a surprising amount of conviction. This, even though I have tried to break up with Megan several times while under the influence. What the hell did I know? I was fucked up from all of the various chemicals flowing through me. Jenny said she loved me. Why would she? Why would I want anyone who wants me?

That's honestly how I felt. For a long time.

I decided it was time to leave. Megan and I were gone within 10 minutes, on the way back to our Shanty. Jeez, we were about to leave on a family vacation with my folks. I ponied up the truth and she took it really well. How could she not, considering I had no idea about the situation. We talked about it. I cried, because I can be a bit of a crier at times. But mostly, I was numb.

This family vacation is the last one I have gone on to date. Went to Gulf Shores as had been done every year for some time. My folks, two sisters, brother-in-law, baby niece, Megan, and I all made the trek down. We always drive separately, because we're wasteful and assholey like that. Mostly because we all have different ideas on what a trip should entail. I get off the highway as much as possible & my father is a straight-shot kind of guy. Megan and I get there later than everyone else, naturally.

Everyone is getting unpacked, and sleeping arrangements are made, Megan and I have one bedroom, away from the others. A trend that would endure the entire relationship. Always on the fringe. Always on the outside looking in. I never can tell if its because they don't like us, or if its because I don't have a child for my parents to fawn over. If they only knew. We all go to dinner and the usual. We kids go out for drinks. I lose my belt buckle in the surf. No one is surprised.

The lonely couple heads out on their own for lunch the next day, for oyster and drinks. Overindulgence ensues. We stumble back, leaning on each other for support. I jump off the balcony into the pool. Family is by the pool. Damn. Oh well. Wasn't the first time, won't be the last.

Life goes on for the next several months; trivia, drinks, grocery shopping at BP on her mom's Speedpass. Nick's been doing trivia with me since August. Megan and I have argued, made up, and been disgruntled. Neither one of us are looking for work. Its now January 2006. The past two weeks I have left Wednesday and came back home sometime on Saturday. I hate my life. I can't go back to that asexual relationship. We're great friends, the best of friends, but I've tried everything. She's never really been into it too much. Even in the beginning. I knew better. I can't make it on my own, though. And there's Jami. Always Jami.

Her birthday is coming up. February 2nd. She'll be turning 26. I have called her on her birthday every year since we first met. I am so trashed I can't remember her number. What the hell is it? I'm trying to dial and hold onto this handrail at the same time. I'm on the second floor of a nightclub, floating above the dance floor. 615-351...what the fuck is that number?

All's Fair

2009-12-29T14:44:00.004-06:00

"Hey Shane, this is Megan. I'm almost home, and since I'm shy, and you're shy I figured I'd call you and leave my number...its XXX-eighty thirty. Talk to you soon."

That was the message I received in the wee hours of July 5th, 2005. We would later laugh over the fact that I was acting shy as a ploy to get into her pants. Ironically, I'm not sure if I'm shy or not. I have been in some form of sales now for almost a decade, and can switch it off and on with no problems. I do know that I hate being smothered in large groups of people. I get nervous speaking in front of large groups, but I figure who doesn't? The trivia helped, A LOT. I didn't really have a choice. Alcohol lubed up the emotions as well. What ever the case, I gained her interest.

The next day, I was scheduled to do a trivia show at Brookhaven Pub. It was cancelled due to low patronage. I called Megan to see if she wanted to come hang out. Turns out that I had written the number down incorrectly when replaying the message. I left a message on a random voicemail. Funny thing, she called about half an hour later. She wanted to hang out, I figured - what were the chances? She came on down and we made a huge scene making out in the back corner of the bar. She drove my monkey ass to her place. Frivolity ensues. I wake up with mud stuck to my face. She had two dogs, and had let them out before going to sleep. What a way to wake up, and I wouldn't have it any other way. That's a story, and it only got better...before it got worse, of course.

That night we went to Mulligans, I had a show, and she was off. We drank liquor by the pint...rough night. She drove my car(there was a lot of this back in the day) back to her place - I was pretty transient at this point. I had stuff everywhere. On the way back we pull off into a cove, and decided it would be a good time for some action. It was. Next thing, I wake up with no pants on, and she's walking back to the car. "You're granddad's not very nice," she says. "What are you talking about?" She then tells me that she went up to the door in my boxers to ask to use the restroom, and my granddad wouldn't let her in. "Megan, my grandparents live about an hour from here. We had better go."

That's how it began, and with a start like that can one be surprised it ends how it does?

Our first "real date" was that Friday. Went and had dinner at Brooklyn Bridge restaurant, I kept the cork. Still have it. I just sorta moved my stuff slowly from various places into the "Shanty," a little place behind a house on Poplar, near Highland. I've often thought we never should have left, but that's just silly.

I lost my job not long after we met, and she graduated. She quit her job at Mulligan's in August.

Live trivia played an large part in what would provide for us and would also tear us apart over the next six months.

Back In Memphis

2009-12-29T12:08:00.002-06:00

So the last half of 2003 was spent in the cave, at friends' places, or just out.

Just after the holidays, I re-enrolled at the University of Memphis in hope that some sort of routine other than the one I had would pull me out of my situation. It did, in a way. I also found a job. At a local gym. Go ahead, shake your head. 'Cause its coming. This one has several locations around Memphis, though I think its a sub-par establishment. I only took the job because my father bet me that I couldn't find work any time I wanted to. I'm guessing he knew that a challenge from him would get me going. It worked. I started working there while in school. Three days per week each, as if I had anything else better to do.

I got to use a bit of my training experience there as well. I'd offer three sessions with each membership purchased. I really didn't like the place of most of the clientele, but I was making a little money, and was out of the house. I was there for around two months, I suppose. Oh, I did transfer to another location for the last two weeks. To a better location. But not before some drama. Of course.

There was one lady who insisted I keep training her. She was an annoying woman, to say the least. Going on and on about how she loves Bellevue, and her neighbors, and she even has friends that are good people - but they're not Christians! So always seemed so amazed that good people exists that don't believe the way she does. Yapped the entire sessions about that shit. Hey bitch, I'm not a Christian. I never told her though. I did tell her to stop calling me after I had transferred locations. Here's the exchange: "Stop calling me, you crazy-ass psycho." Her response? "I'm not a psycho, I'm a Christian!" No lie.

Oh, you didn't think I was getting out of there without any ass did you? I did. Little eighteen year old Mandy. She wanted help toning up. I trained her for about six sessions before we went out. Met her mom and everything. She liked me, and didn't think it was strange that I was ten years older! I thought that was strange. Why in the hell am I doing this shit? I know I'm a big fan of the ladies, but fucking seriously. We dated for three months! The rub? I had moved in with a friend of mine that got me a job at a local bank. She shacked up with me at my parent's house - obviously I have no shame, but she never came to my place. I didn't let her. Not even going to go into the time that we were drinking at a local bar, and my ol roomie Japeth walks in with his girlfriend. Japeth was amused, girlfriend was not. I never saw his girlfriend again.

We stopped our thing around May 2004. The rest of that year is kinda blurry with all of the partying my friends and I did. I did make one responsible decision that year.

A girl, who had been in and out of my life for the past 3 or so years, was back in my life. We were getting pretty serious. Did I mention she broke off an engagement in 2001, the week before I moved to Nashville? Left her there. I always regretted doing that. Still do. Anyhow, late 2004 we are dating, and had been out one night. She's wearing some kind of funky clog type shoe, and she trips, falls, hits her head into the wall, and makes a huge hole. I didn't call her for a while. She knew why. I couldn't take care of myself, much less anyone else. She's now married and expecting. I'm very happy for her.

(Note: I'm beginning to see a disturbing trend here, but the show must go on.)

Diving right into Jan 2005, as the story picks up speed through 2009. January 2005 was the month I started hosting live trivia nights. One a week, then two, then six. These are important. I was making tons of money doing these shows, but also staying out all night, every night. No joke, I once shaved in a Walgreens bathroom before heading to work. Problem, much? January was also the month I got set up with Jenny. We went on a date or two, but mostly we hung out in the Pinch and Mud Island area. This was off and on for several months. This also happens to be the time when the party favors became more and more prevalent. I'll let you use your imagination on that one. I stopped seeing her regularly around May 2005. She'd show up occasionally at a show or something, but that was about it.

Met lots of people doing the trivia, including the woman who would become my wife. She worked for TJ Muilligans as a waitress and was finishing up at Rhodes. She was different than most of the girls that worked there. She looked like she hated it. That's a good thing. I never really talked to her until July 4th 2005.

It was a Monday, Japeth and I spent the weekend at Spring River, and were on the next to last day of the trip. He wants to go home. The Sneaky Bastard. I have just spent a long morning canoeing down the damn river, drinking and getting worn out. I finally relent, and he heads towards home. What's this? You want me to drop you off in Jonesboro? What's this shit? Oh, the girl you met last weekend. You dick. I continue my journey to Memphis and am going to meet up with another friend of mine. I am sunburned like a bastard, wearing a British flag Ben Sherman shirt, pants with huge flowers on them, and flops. A fucking righteous mess.

My friend and I meet up at Mulligans, grab a table, and start pounding the beers and Jager bombs. Our server's name is Megan. I know who she is. I'm more than a bit flirty, and she's in my lap by the end of the night. My lap that is radiating scorching heat. I give her my number. She calls. I don't answer. She leaves a voicemail.

A New Day, a New Year

2009-12-29T08:10:00.004-06:00

So before anyone thinks that I have become some emo woman hater at this point, lets suss out the events of Jan 1st, 2003.

I show up about an hour late to work, having gotten off at 9pm the night before, and trying to play catch up all night. I am immediately sent into the office where the regional manager, district manager, and my manager were all waiting. I was being offered a management position at another location just north of this one. Of course, I accepted. GREAT pay, and the opportunity to help rehab the old location. For those keeping count, this is location number three. I started the next day. Great news.

I immediately call Amanda, the girl I have been dating since the weekend before I started working at Gold's. Yes, I know what you're thinking. We'll get to that. So, after telling her the news, we make plans to celebrate that weekend. My next phone call...Jami. Yep, we've been seeing each other semi regularly since October. We decided that its best for us to break things off. What I didn't know was that Jami & Amanda had met at some point, in the PAST FEW MONTHS. Fuckola.

The whole fucked up situation was this; Amanda had a fear of commitment, I was scared of Jami hurting me, and Jami was doing whatever it is she does. I find out later that Amanda had been quite the little buggerer before I met her, and that was great by me. Inhibitions are overrated. I decide to go full-on in this with Amanda to see where this goes. She's a great girl. Graduated high school at sixteen, college at 20 with a degree in accountancy. She'll have her master's by June. At 21. She's funny, looks like Sarah Michelle Gellar, and shes thoughtful. One drawback - she talks like no body's business. All. The. Time. About nothing.

Anyhow, I have put all my eggs in this little basket. It's nice. Until Valentine's day starts to roll around and Amanda's got plans. What the hell? She's going to a DMB concert. I have about a week's notice, and I can immediately see from the guest list where this is headed.

Enter Tabitha, stage left. She works the front desk, is hilarious, very pretty, and single. She's the girl who comes from a well-to-do family in a small town. She drives a used Acura, and has dogs named Dolce & Gabbana. I know she has probably never even owned any D & G, but what does that matter? She's been hurt before, and is a timid little thing. Lives with her aunt. I ask her out to dinner for Valentine's Day. She accepts, knowing full well my situation.

We go to dinner and have a great time. Nothing physical, just a great time. Uh-oh. I have a crush. Two days later, Amanda breaks up with me. Not because of the dinner date. Well, maybe a little. Tabitha and I go out that night. Dinner out and a movie at her aunt's house. We mess around a little bit, and she looks me directly in the eye and says, "Please don't hurt me." I don't want to. I LIKE this girl.

Amanda and I stay in touch for another couple of weeks, in which she starts dating one of the guys from the concert, and I continue to see Tabitha. Until she pulls back. She's getting attached, and it scares her. She avoids me at work, doesn't return calls. What the hell? Never mind the fact I shouldn't even be seeing this girl as shes one of my employees. Can you guess who doesn't like being alone?

My district manager hires Kari. She's got a good work background, but a fucked up looking resume. She has dreams of being in graphic design, but from the looks of things, she might rethink that. We go out for drinks and back to her place THE SAME NIGHT. Tab is avoiding the piss out of me. But what the fuck is wrong with me? I'm so stupid. I'm not sure if I'm trying to fill a hole, or exorcise some demons. Guess what? I think of the one that got away every day, hundreds of times a day. I'm fucked up.

Tab comes around a few days later, and explains everything. She is ready, and trusts me. Excellent. Kari kept her eyes open when she laughed, anyway. Kinda how Martina McBride used to hit the high notes with her eyes open. It seemed unnatural. I let her know that I was through with whatever we had going on. Tab and I have a great week, its damn near perfect. Until Kari spills the beans, just before she quits. I deserved it I guess. Tab was done, too.

I spend the next month talking to Tab every night, not begging her back, but just talking. We reconcile. Met out at clubs. Remember, the gym lifestyle was all about going out after work was over. Had a great time. I got demoted at work. Seems gossip got back to the wrong folks that I was part of the reason Kari left, and it was out about Tabitha, and all the others. I deserved it. I was sent back to the gym which I had started at just a year ago. The district manager worked out of that one. I'd be kept here until the new club was to be finished in six months. Reevaluated, and sent to that one. I never made it. The loss of the 1,000 dollar a month raise I had received at the start of the year was too much. I had become accustomed.

The day before my alcohol awareness class, May 17th. I quit. Alcohol awareness? Yep got pulled over for DUI the night before Halloween 2000. Was on my way to a party, knew I had too much in my system, and decided to sleep it off in a parking lot. At the airport. Almost made it before I took a wrong turn down one of those damn streets with all the damn arrows and shit. I stayed in Nashville until June 1st. Told the girl I was seeing I was leaving for vacation. Yep, picked up a nice Spanish girl while down there. I never talked to her again. Its okay, she lived with her boyfriend of two years. In fact, I never talked to anyone from there again. Except her. Jami.

The next six months I would spend at my parent's house. Not working. Just going out with friends some at night, and sleeping the days away in a windowless, black, lonely room.

...the humanity continues.

2009-12-28T16:03:00.003-06:00

So I find myself surrounded by misery. I feel like I'm in the catacombs, I can just barely see light if I squint. No one is there to hear me.

Enter my friend, Japeth. He has just graduated from Memphis. He wants to move in with me. This is a good thing. He moves in on Nov 13th, and since I was in a one bedroom, we signed up for a two bedroom. Overlooking the pool and hot tub. Top floor. Near the gated entrance.

I must mention that Jami has kept in contact with me up to this point. It seemed comforting at the time, but now I think she was being selfish.

Our first weekend as roomies ol' Japeth and I hit downtown. Bad idea, we run into Jami just as she's kissing some guy at the end of the bar. Hilarity ensues. Not really. I put my drink down, the last of many for the night, just as she makes eye contact with me. I walk out the door, down the street, down another, just walking away not knowing where I'm going...I don't care where I'm going. But I'm going.

Quite some time later, a vehicle pulls up to me. Surprises all around...its Jami, a friend, and a "friend." It's cold, I get in. She drops everyone else, and then me.
We argue viciously the entire way back to my place, things are said that can't be forgotten. I get out of the car, walk the flight of stairs to my apartment, and go inside.

Once inside, I light a cigarette with a wooden match. I think they taste better that way. Take a deep drag, blow out the match, and walk to the utility closet. I take out a razor blade, and carve her initials into my arm. The pain goes away a bit. Thats the point. I take the match and rub ash into the wound, trying to make a permanent reminder of the pain that my soul has endured.

I get a job to pass the time. I'm working at a GNC. I start looking into herbal remedies to help. I try them all. But she remains. Haunting me.

I have the energy to try to go back for spring semester. I get my academic waiver, and get enrolled. The night before the first day of classes, my building catches fire. I was able to salvage everything, but was late to classes and shit. My first day back. I kept it up though. Finished the semester. Still, Jami was in my thoughts.

After the semester ended, I found a job at one of the local Gold's Gyms. This is exactly what I needed. 70+ hours a week, great pay, getting into shape, and all of the late night partying one could hope for. We all threw down like it was our last night on earth. Every night.

The fucking, holy shit, the fucking. There was never a shortage of girls that wanted some. Made my way through the Smoothie bar, half the front desk, and a dozen or so members. Then things changed. For the better, and worse. I was promoted.

I was in charge of pre-sale for the new location that was to open. My job? Sit in a trailer, ALONE, on site, and sell memberships to anyone that was unlucky enough to waltz in. I was damn good at that job. Sold 26 in one day. I also fucking hated myself. I once slept in that damn trailer overnight because I just didnt feel like going home. I was in that damn thing until Jan 1st, 2003. When I got promoted again, and the shit really hit the fan.

An outpouring of....

2009-12-28T10:35:00.003-06:00

Let me start off by saying, I have know idea how this will go or end up. I have things I have to say, or I may explode. I'm needing catharsis.

Perhaps its best for me to start where things began to run off the rails, so to speak. Damn, this is gonna take a while. I'm gonna have to make this a multi-post.

Summer of 1999, that's right...nineteen fucking ninety-nine. I was near the end of a relationship that started in Nov '95. I spent the first year really happy and things were pretty great, until this now 19 year old girl began communicating with her high school crush, the guy who wouldn't give her the time of day back then. We broke up shortly before the holidays in '96, and got back a month later after she found out I was dating a couple of girls. I spent the rest of the relationship cheating on her like nobody's business. I don't know why we stayed together, perhaps a codependency, but nonetheless, I was sowing some serious oats. Steel cut oats.

Fast forward to August 1999...I went to a party and met this girl. She was unaware of me and my reputation. Let me just say this, there are at least 5 of my acquaintances that have no idea I slept with the women that they would marry one day.

This girl was it! Completely bowled me over. I was done. She had sass, beauty, and was funny as hell. We went back to her place that Friday night, after the party. I left Sunday afternoon. As soon as I got home, I called the gf and ended things. I had no regrets or doubts.

Holy shit! This new girl, let's call her Jami - cause that's her name, blew my mind. We had it seriously going on for months. Spent every day together at some point, even if it was me racing across town with lunch. I'd stay at her place most nights, and we'd stay up late watching TV, drinking, or various other forms of recreation. Sometimes I'd end up doing her homework for her, cause she'd didn't get things all of the time. We were great together...until May 2000.

She left Memphis to go to Belhaven College in Nashville. She's from a suburb south of there, and it allowed her to get the attention she needing by offering a smaller classroom setting.

We(she) decided that we would stay together, but not really "together." What the fuck was this? What this entailed was that we did all of the things like sex, gifts, talking on the phone a lot, and me visiting Nashville on a constant basis. Constant, as in I would sometime drive up there after going to work, and class. I'd stay the night there, and then leave town at 5am to get to work on time. A lot of sacrificing on my part, but I was in love - what could I do? We spent the next YEAR in a back and forth of I want you, we need space, she wants me, a total mindfuck. I pretty much came loose at the seams during this time.

This was a hard time for me. I would go to casinos on a weeknight, hit the bars, sex with random girls, I once woke up at a gas pump. Not at the pump, but at the end, perpendicular to the pumps. Not my proudest moment. Well, this stuff continued until I met a girl named Jayme. Again, her name. This was in March of 2001, she was in my Bio II class. We hit if off, and started dating until May. Still seeing the other one as often as possible. Why did we stop seeing each other in May? Funny you should ask...

Jayme was staying at my house, and about 11pm, after we had gone to bed, Jami shows up. What the fuck? She's been drinking wine since she left Nashville, and has proceeded to undress in the driveway. I explain to her that we cant go in. We need to drive, I tell her. We go thru the whole story, and she LEAVES to go back home. I spend the entire next morning calling her, checking every PD and troopers office between Memphis and Nashville. Fucking freaking out. She finally calls at around 2pm, saying that she told her roommate to lie to me about her not getting home.

Two days later, she wants to get back "together". Damn it, what in the hell is going on? I feel like I'm being brainwashed. So, I dump Jayme for Jami.

Summer goes well, lots of driving back and forth. I get a little tired of it so I decide to pick up and move to Nashville, to attend MTSU. I get a lot of doubts from Jami about it, not to move up there for her, and all. I do.

The day after I move in, she breaks up with me. Seems she's been seeing her high school crush off and on since 2000.

Here I am, alone in a city where I only know her, with no where to turn. This was August 18th. I held on my best, but I was getting a bit of depression, something which runs in my family. Then Sept 11th happened. Holy fucking shit. You know that feeling everyone had about family, friends, and bonding together? Nada. I lost it. I had always been a bit of a worrier, with some anxiety thrown in. This transformed itself into full-blown, holding onto the floor for dear life, depression. I started drinking heavily, obsessing over what she was doing, and with whom. I quit going to school. I was along with my thoughts. That TV I had when I moved in? A loaner from Jami. It was gone. Just me. My thoughts. Overwhelming sadness. Cutting my arms. Cursing the sky. Life is over.

To be continued.

It's Been a Long Time.

2009-12-23T10:30:00.003-06:00

I'm going to start this blog back up. Events have transpired that even pure grain alcohol can fix. As soon as I find out how much I want to share, I'll be back. Hell, I might even restart Toilet Tourism.

UPDATE

2009-07-21T10:36:00.001-05:00

My bloggy blog will be updated soon, as soon as things calm a bit.

WEEKEND ACTION

2009-06-15T14:10:00.004-05:00

So I am sitting here, wondering what to type. So many things happen that unless I post every hour, I can't fit it all in. Last week I did the Kookamonga Challenge, and didn't do as well as I had hoped. I knew from the first bite that it wasn't going to be my night. It was really fun, though. BTW, we did smoke my friend Paul and others in beer pong.

Also late week Megan and I went to Red Rooster for Bar Olympics, that was a great time! They had flip cup, cornhole(I hate that name), beer pong, and other games. 25 cent PBR for me and Miller Lite for Megan was the highlight.

The weekend was spent mostly at home, though we did get out a couple of times.

Went to Abyssinia for dinner Friday night, always delicious. The phone rang almost continuously with people calling to make sure they were open. I was glad to see they were doing well.

Saturday was the Farmer's Market. We bought A LOT of produce - Megan took a picture when we got home. It was really nice also because we met up with Christiana and exchanged some goodies. Also happened to run into Amanda and Brandon, a nice couple we have met once before, in New Orleans, of all places.

FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH - BUFFALO SPRINGFIELD

2009-06-05T09:23:00.003-05:00

I have always loved these lyrics, and for some reason they seem more pertinent every time I hear them.

"For What It's Worth"
Buffalo Springfield

There's something happening here
What it is ain't exactly clear
There's a man with a gun over there
Telling me I got to beware
I think it's time we stop, children, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down
There's battle lines being drawn
Nobody's right if everybody's wrong
Young people speaking their minds
Getting so much resistance from behind
I think it's time we stop, hey, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down
What a field-day for the heat
A thousand people in the street
Singing songs and carrying signs
Mostly say, hooray for our side
It's time we stop, hey, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down
Paranoia strikes deep
Into your life it will creep
It starts when you're always afraid
You step out of line, the man come and take you away
We better stop, hey, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down
Stop, hey, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down
Stop, now, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down
Stop, children, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down

THIS WEEKEND IN MEMPHIS

2009-06-05T09:08:00.001-05:00

Voodoo Room is having their grand reopening tonight. Should be a good start to the evening. I know the wife is going to get tired early, but I am going to drag her around all night if I have to. (Sorry, honey.)

WTF IS GOING ON?

2009-06-04T13:00:00.002-05:00

So, guns in bars? I don't know of ANYONE who thinks this is a good idea. I think gun fanatics have small cock and balls, just like people who drive over sized trucks, fast cars, and Hummers.

I have been in way too many bar fights to think that one of them might have turned out worse, had guns been allowed. I hear all of the bullshit about permit holders being law-abiding citizens. I do not believe that for one second. I have met people in the past that carried their guns EVERYWHERE, at ALL TIMES. These people we by and large also PUSSIES. Not the nice, warm, , delicious, and friendly kind. They were the kind that were tattlers when we were young, and might have gotten a busted nose or two for being cocky pricks.

It has become increasingly clear that our politicians are clearly just that. Doing and saying whatever it takes to get re-elected. A case a the few speaking for the masses.

They deserve a good, old-fashioned, ass whipping.

2009-05-22T10:38:00.001-05:00

Blogging from the train, good times so far. Fighting the urge to go to the bar.

FINDING MY VOICE

2009-05-19T11:00:00.002-05:00

I have always been opinionated.

I have not always let my opinions be known, and it has a little to do with my upbringing. My father told me, "the more people know about you, the more they can hold against you." I believe that to a large extent. The problem is I don't give a damn anymore. I am my own person, have my own views, and I'll be damned if I will hesitate to stand by them. This isn't to say that I look for a chance to espouse on a subject, I just have a harder time biting my tongue.

I recently did something I have only done once in the past. I wrote a "letter to the editor" to the Commercial Appeal. It was printed, and I must say, it felt good.

Perhaps this is a result of this puny blog, perhaps not.

Either way, I have become tired of reading other people's opinions, and not letting mine be known.

I have been painting a lot more lately, and I am going to be taking more pictures. I have been enjoying expressing myself visually, as well as verbally.

Rereading this, I notice there is a large number of the letter "I" in this blog. But isn't that what self-expression is all about?

PEOPLE WHO I DO NOT LIKE

2009-05-14T14:42:00.002-05:00

The Michael Lightman family. I have my reasons.

Tonight, tonight, tonight, hot damn, tonight!

2009-05-14T14:25:00.002-05:00

Heading to the MIMBBQ and from the looks of things, it should be a great evening. The tent looks great and the drinks look cheap. The wife and I will be at the Ques Brothers for the most part, but will venture around to a couple of other tents. My only worry about tonight is that I can't fit into the pants I want to wear, my flowered J Crew ones. Stupid fat!

We are probably going to go back again on Friday and then stay in Saturday.

The headliner for Saturday will be the Farmer's Market, as usual. Wife is getting some eggs from Mama Squirrel, so we will have those on top of the dozen we will pick up from our regular source. Looks like it will be a frittata week. Other than that, the only thing down the pike is a trip TO NEW ORLEANS next weekend! Meh. Small potatoes!

It's really the opposite. This will be our first out of town trip in over a year - a record for us. The bonus - we are taking the train. I have always wanted to ride on a train, the scenery has to be better than the same ol' highway mile after mile. That, and I don't have to drive. We got a good deal on the room at Omni Royal Crescent.

Wife has the entire trip mapped out, as usual. She DREW a map and highlighted places. I think it is even to scale. She's fun like that.

Off now, too antsy to have cohesive thoughts for long.

BACK IN THE SADDLE AGAIN!

2009-05-07T10:40:00.003-05:00

It has been far too long since I have posted to my humble blog. Time to fix that.

Since my last post things have been pretty good!

Went to Hot Wing Fest and hung out with lots of new friends, MIM at the Flyer tent, been visiting lots of local places and generally enjoying life. Nothing is perfect, so there have been ups and downs. Mostly ups.

This summer is shaping up to be one full of festivals, good eats, and general merriment.

Since am I planning on updating more frequently, I will treat this as any other ol post. Just picking up where I left off.

Tonight is the dread Grey's Anatomy night. Megan watches the show every week and really enjoys it. I do not. This doesn't mean I don't watch the show. It means that I watch the show, cringe at the stupidity and grumble. Tonight might be a night for painting and beers, but not sure.

Friday looks like Calhoun's, followed by Hollywood Disco. Beers for 1.50 and 1.00 respectively - How can anyone pass that up?

Saturday will be started at the Memphis Farmer's Market(!) like always, followed by a bike ride down the Riverwalk. I am planning on taking some pictures, something I haven't done for quite some time. The Riverwalk seems like a perfectly good place to pick it back up. We are also considering going to "Bands not Bombs". It's a good cause, and really affordable, but the other expenses that go along with it will probably mean we won't go. Plus, Mother's day is this weekend, which brings me to...

...Sunday. Megan's mother is coming to town for lunch. I think Megan is going to cook for her and go for a walk to show her around the neighborhood. Her mother has visited us once, I think, since I have known Megan. The wife is pretty excited about that. My sister's are planning on going to brunch with my mom, and are wanting my input on it. That's a nice change. I figured everything would be figured out and I would be expected to show up. I like having input. I think Sauces or Automatic Slim's might be good places to go. I know from experience that Sauces has a good brunch, and I have heard that Slim's is as well. Maybe even the Monkey which is a stone's throw(literally) from my place. Whatever we choose, it should be nice.

Keep your internets tuned in, I'll be posting more frequently from now on.

2009-05-04T11:45:00.001-05:00

Test post

SOUTH MAIN LIVING IS HARD ON MY FEET

2009-04-02T15:11:00.003-05:00

Since moving last weekend, I have walked more than in the previous year combined. My feet, knees, and back hurt. My first mistake was moving while wearing my Jack Purcells - they have no cushion on the bottom. The next is insisting on taking the stairs every time. The last is being a bit out of shape in the first place.

I have had the best time, though. It's like a vacation every day. I have seen friends on the street, and lots of dogs at the park, and watched the sunset from the rooftop.

Did I mention I am just blocks from Calhoun's?

EGGS AND MILK

2009-03-26T11:23:00.003-05:00

I knew our purveyor for eggs and milk provided good products, but now we have "professional" approval.

Master chef Jose Guiterrez, of Encore and Chez Phillippe fame, has joined our little group. I am so proud of Cissy. He claims that these are the eggs he has been looking for his entire time in the States.

Glad we got in early.

On another note, our CSA shares will start in June. Color me excited!

TWITTER

2009-03-26T10:54:00.002-05:00

I have received 15 twitters in the past 20 minutes. I may rethink who I am going to follow. Hmmm.

SPRING!

2009-03-24T11:53:00.002-05:00

So it seems like spring is here. The trees are blooming, grass is starting to grow, and I am breathing worse than usual. :)

We have been taking the puppies to Butler park for walks, so they can get accustomed to their new 'hood. THEY LOVE IT!

We get our keys to the new place tonight and we already have the security code for the door. Most of the stuff is packed, and we gave away three carloads of stuff, and sold the W/D, and we are now left with the armoire. I think I have a taker, but we'll see. Maybe Megan will take Mikey the microwave soon.

We have some plants transferred to pots from the Aerogarden. I am going to plant an herb garden somewhere near our place...and share with any lucky soul that finds it.

Times are good.

AM I IN A TIME WARP?

2009-03-20T16:02:00.002-05:00

Why is time moving so slowly? Is it because I am looking forward to something? Of course it is.

This weekend is going to be chock full of packing, loading, unloading, trashing, giving away, selling, buying and the like.

I want frisky beverages at Calhoun's or Voodoo Room. I know it won't happen, but I still want it.

T-minus seven days and counting.

LIFE IN MEMPHIS IS EXCITING

2009-03-13T08:11:00.002-05:00

For the past few months, it seems like something is always going on. There are places to go, things to do, people to meet, and something new to discover.

Last year, Megan and I decided that we were going to make it our mission to be "tourists" in our own hometown. We started driving around town more, and being more involved in things going on. That led to many different things, including the blogs, the Brooks memberships, and the most recent change - the move to South Main.

We started going back downtown - not Beale Street - early last year. We have become huge fans of Kooky Canuck, The Voodoo Room, Itta Bena, and Calhoun's. (Itta Bena's entrance is technically on Third, so it doesn't count as Beale Street) There are so many hidden gems in and around downtown, and the people are fantastic! So much less anger, hatred, pretension, and bitterness that seems to pervade a lot of things around our city.

We have had great experiences all around town, from the Mexican restaurant on Lamar to the hot dog shop on Germantown Rd. The Orpheum is a treasure to this city, if only we could get rid of that bloated, overpaid director Pat Halloran. Did you know there is an "oak court" at Oak Court mall? How about the leash-free dog park at Shelby Farms?

Now, Megan and I are looking to be moving the last weekend of March. We will be on Tennessee St, and are so excited! I wish we could rationalize paying someone to move us, but it is definitely not feasible. Oh well, it will be more than worth the effort.

Looks like this weekend will involve lots of packing, and getting stuff together for Goodwill. We may even post some items on craigslist, and definitely some on freecycle.

South Main, here we come.

FRIDAY POST - FUN WEEKEND AHEAD!

2009-03-06T11:40:00.002-06:00

So I have been lax on my posts this week. Work is nutso, and my motivation is f'in gone. Everything is great, the spring fever has me in its grasp.

Lately Megan and I have been going to Calhoun's for trivia on Tuesday nights. That has been much fun and it helps break up the week.

We will be heading back down there tonight for some beers, nachos, and trivia. I hope my points have transferred. I love Calhoun's. it's Megan's fave place to go. I love it and Voodoo Room, but they are totally different animals.

Wife has to work Saturday from 8-noon, so I will entertaining some puppies. All week long we have been planning an all-out Mexican feast for Saturday night. We're gonna have refritos, ceviche, tacos, beer (micheladas, perhaps?), and who knows what else. Gonna do the shopping at Viet Hoa market - great place!

Sunday will be cleaning day and grocery day, as usual. We'll hit Whole Foods and stock up for the week. Then, the cleaning shall begin.I'm planning on shutting the kitten up in the back of the house, and leaving the back door open so the pups can run in and out as they please. This may defeat the purpose of cleaning.

Watched Religulous last night, funny as hell.

YO, WHAT UP DOG?

2009-03-02T15:59:00.003-06:00

Got us a lil puppy this weekend. His previous "owners" thought Harley would be a good name. WTF!?! He doesn't even closely resemble a Harley. We changed it to Calhoun. In honor of Calhoun's, of course! He's REALLY active, and is proceeding to drive the Big Dog a little nuts. He likes snow, too. Had a great weekend.

It was strange to not be driving all over having errands to run all weekend. Didn't have to be a single damn place. WOW!

This week has got to be better than last week. The wife was kinda stressed and so was I. It would be fantastic if we could go for Showdown trivia, and win like she did last time. 18 bucks buys three pitchers of PBR! My stupid points need to transfer. I would have the most in the place if they ever make it over.

Wonder what this week/weekend holds?

I need to get on the bike.

Great weekend.

2009-02-24T13:40:00.001-06:00

Heading to Calhoun's for trivia tonight! Whee!

THIS WEEKEND BIYATCH

2009-02-20T16:52:00.002-06:00

Tonight I'm heading to Comedy, TN to see Hal Sparks - I loved him as Michael on Queer as Folk, and also going to Lavoro's for their $1 draft beers.

Tomorrow I am going to TRY to sleep late, as the wife is going to her mentee's speech contest in the morning. She has already made the top 23 in the city - we'll see if some of Megan's Toastmasters advice has worked.

My folks may drop by for a sec, I owe them some of the delicious garlic colby that I get from a lil farm in Missouri. GREAT STUFF!

Tomorrow night is the party at Orleans on Front/Voodoo Room. Really looking forward to that. I will be dressed to a T in my outfit of painted polo, mask, and colored socks. Here's to good times.

THIS WEEKEND SHOULD BE REALLY GOOD

2009-02-19T16:38:00.001-06:00

Got several things planned, guess we'll see how they turn out. More tomorrow.

I F'ING HATE....

2009-02-18T15:14:00.001-06:00

Stupid people.

MY POOR UNLOVED BLOG

2009-02-11T15:07:00.002-06:00

I haven't written much on here for a bit, its seems that I have been complacent. It happens. The last few weeks have been quite busy, that I feel like I haven't had time to vent. At all. That's not usually good for me. This week has been better. I am really looking forward to the weekend, as I seem to have a good one planned. Friday will be Red Robin - YUM! I used to visit a Red Robin on out of town trips. If I found out there was one in the city I was visiting, I would go out of my way to make it. Once drove in circles for 2 hours. Then spent 50 bucks on a to-go order. Like I said, YUM!

Spring is quickly approaching, and I fear that I suffer from Spring Fever in the worst way. I get antsy. I crave adventure. Trips. Sun. Water. Beer.

Speaking of, this weekend - a trip downtown is planned. Wife and I are going to ride our bikes around downtown Saturday morning, then go home for a bit. That evening, we are doing the Valentine's Party at The Cotton Club. Should be a nice intimate affair. Wonder if there will be any young folks like us? Afterwards, I will be dragging Megan to Voodoo Room. Always good times there.

Had a good time last weekend at the Wild Game Dinner. Met a nice couple, and all -around enjoyed ourselves. Megan and I are always looking for new friends, as we seem to have outgrown or been distanced from the ones we have usually hung around. Megan really wants more friends. I think it drives her a little batty sometimes. She wonders if it's her. It's not.

Cut my hair and trimmed the beard yesterday. Made me nervous as hell. I figured that the worst I could do it cut it all off and have to start over.

I want trivia. It's "Six" night.

I never got my Flaming Dr. Peppers.

FUEGO!

2009-02-05T13:39:00.001-06:00

I have a CRAVING for flaming Dr Pepper shots. What could this mean?

WILD GAME DINNER

2009-02-05T12:38:00.002-06:00

Looks like Megan and I are going to attend Opera Memphis' Wild Game Dinner and auction night. Dress is casual, and hunting attire is recommended. I am really looking forward to a night of good food, nice drinks, and some fun time with Elmo & the Shades.

I AM EXCITED FOR THIS PLACE

2009-02-03T08:25:00.002-06:00

This is from the Memphis Business Journal, lovingly sent to me by Megan.

Local restaurateur Angie Kirkpatrick has signed a three-year lease for a new restaurant at 715 W. Brookhaven.

The new restaurant, called The Kitchen, will serve everyday European home cooking.

“What that means is it’s going to be good food cheap,” Kirkpatrick says.

She plans on opening the 85-100-seat, 2200-square-foot restaurant in April.

Kirkpatrick, who previously owned two Cooper Young restaurants, Maxwell’s and In Limbo, is getting back into the game after a 10-year hiatus.

Back then, Kirkpatrick was exhausted and looking to try something different. Now, she says she’s re-energized and was longing to get back into the restaurant business.

“It’s like childbirth, you forget the pain,” she says. “Also, I think I’ve got right concept at the right time.”

Nate Mitchell, affiliate broker with Crye-Leike Commercial, represented the tenant in lease negotiations, while Mahrou Drury and Carrick Hill, also brokers with Crye-Leike, represented the landlord.

This will be the second new restaurant to open on Brookhaven Circle, located in the shadow of Clark Tower.

Andrew Michael Italian Kitchen opened at 712 W. Brookhaven restaurant in late 2008, serving high-end Italian fare.

aashby@bizjournals.com | 259-1732

Since I LOATHE Marciano's, and can't justify Andrew Michael, this looks to be just right for me. I really enjoy simple, but delicious, cuisine. My palate is happy.

WHAT UP?!?

2009-02-02T11:27:00.001-06:00

I have not posted a "real" post for a bit. Things have been so hectic the last couple of weeks. I'll get back into the swing of things.

RUSH LIMBAUGH IS A SHITHEAD

2009-01-26T15:18:00.004-06:00

Here is a a post from NewsOne from Casey Gane-McCalla.

Here’s Our Top 10 Racist Rush Limbaugh Quotes

1. I mean, let’s face it, we didn’t have slavery in this country for over 100 years because it was a bad thing. Quite the opposite: slavery built the South. I’m not saying we should bring it back; I’m just saying it had its merits. For one thing, the streets were safer after dark.

Okay Rush, slavery was not a good thing for the millions of African Americans who were enslaved, raped and beaten. The streets weren’t at all safe for African Americans. Slavery not a bad thing? Someone should put Rush on a plantation for him to see how great it is. Keep on fear and race mongering Rush, you might get to Goebels status.

2. You know who deserves a posthumous Medal of Honor? James Earl Ray [the confessed assassin of Martin Luther King]. We miss you, James. Godspeed.

Martin Luther King is a national hero, not a black hero. Everybody in the United States celebrates his birthday, children are taught to look up to him as a hero in school. He’s earned the respect and admiration of the world and you believe the man who killed him was a hero? This is beyond racist. This is evil, mean spirited, subhuman. Praising the assassin of one of our great American heroes is beyond the scope of regular racism.

3. Have you ever noticed how all composite pictures of wanted criminals resemble Jesse Jackson?

No but I’ve noticed that all racist bigots think like Rush Limbaugh. Comparing a respected black politician and minister to common criminals is Jim Crow racism. Maybe all black people look alike to him, but I’ve never seen a picture of a wanted criminal that looks like Jesse Jackson. A serial killer that looks like Rush Limbaugh on the other hand.

John Wayne Gacy

4. Right. So you go into Darfur and you go into South Africa, you get rid of the white government there. You put sanctions on them. You stand behind Nelson Mandela — who was bankrolled by communists for a time, had the support of certain communist leaders. You go to Ethiopia. You do the same thing.

The communist connection is an old way of dealing with black leaders. They used it on Martin Luther King, they’re using it on Barack Obama and Limbaugh used it on Nelson Mandela. By siding with the racist apartheid regime over a world-wide symbol of peace and freedom, Limbaugh has shown he’s a global racist.

5. Look, let me put it to you this way: the NFL all too often looks like a game between the Bloods and the Crips without any weapons. There, I said it.

Limbaugh is once again fear mongering and race baiting by associating professional black athletes with criminals and gangmembers. He continues the fear mongering association of good, decent, hard working African Americans as criminals.

6. The NAACP should have riot rehearsal. They should get a liquor store and practice robberies.

Now Limbaugh is saying that an organization with a storied tradition of representing the positive black people for change in their communities are criminals and rioters. An organization that has been represented by intelligent professional African Americans, that has played a part in the Civil Rights movement and continues to be an intelligent, concerned voice for the African American community is degraded to common criminals. There you go Rush. Keep racism alive!!!!

7. They’re 12 percent of the population. Who the hell cares?

Decent human beings care Rush. Someone out of that 12% may just become President of the United States. Not caring about black people? Even George Bush wouldn’t admit to that.

8. Take that bone out of your nose and call me back(to an African American female caller).

Okay Rush that’s classy. The old African bone in the nose stereotype. Wasn’t funny when the racist white school kids called the black kids that and it’s definitely not funny when a grown man with audience of millions of easily influenced dittoheads says it either.

9. I think the media has been very desirous that a black quarterback do well. They’re interested in black coaches and black quarterbacks doing well. I think there’s a little hope invested in McNabb and he got a lot of credit for the performance of his team that he really didn’t deserve.

I wasn’t super offended by this, the whole black quarterback/coach thing has been going on for years in sports, but the quote was so offensive that Retired General Wesley Clarke said:

There can be no excuse for such statements. Mr. Limbaugh has the right to say whatever he wants, but ABC and ESPN have no obligation to sponsor such hateful and ignorant speech. Mr. Limbaugh should be fired immediately.

When a respected, retired general condemns the statement of a sportscaster, you know he’s gone too far.

10. Limbaugh attacks on Obama. Limbaugh has called Obama a ‘halfrican American’ has said that Obama was not black but Arab because Kenya is an Arab region, even though Arabs are less than one percent of Kenya. Since mainstream America has become more accepting of African-Americans, Limbaugh has decided to play against its new racial fears, Arabs and Muslims. Despite the fact Obama graduated magna cum laude from Harvard Law school, Limbaugh has called him an ‘affirmative action candidate.’ Limbaugh even has repeatedly played a song on his radio show ‘Barack the Magic Negro’ using an antiquated Jim Crow era term for black a man who many Americans are supporting for president. Way to go Rush.

So Rush Limbaugh has managed to make racist attacks on four of the most admired and respected people of African descent in the past one hundred years, in Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela, Colin Powell and Barack Obama. He has called for the assassin of Martin Luther King to be given a medal, and said slavery was a good thing. He has claimed that Joe the Plumber, who isn’t even a plumber is more important in this election than Colin Powell, a decorated military veteran who has served honorably in three administrations. How can the Republican party stand by this man and let their candidates appear on his show? Rush Limbaugh’s comments are so racist, they’re funny, in a Borat, Archie Bunker kind of way. What is not funny is the millions of dittoheads who listen to him, who take in and re-spout all the racist rhetoric that he spits. Limbaugh’s statements are echoed in the racist, angry Palin/McCain supporters who shout ‘kill him,’ ‘terrorist,’ ‘communist,’ ‘traitor,’ ’socialist’ and ‘off with his head.’

FUDGE...ONLY I DIDN'T SAY FUDGE

2009-01-23T13:48:00.004-06:00

It has been crazy as a bastard this week. The computer systems at work were down for three days straight. That was a real bitch. I haven't seen so many hand-written tickets in my life.

The inaguration was Tuesday, as if no one knew. Excited about that, but really annoyed at all of the naysayers.

I am so drained, ready to hit the town this evening. Going to South Philly, Calhoun's, and Voodoo Room. Should be a great night.

Going tommorrow morning to meet the parents at Brother Juniper's for breakfast. After, we are going to pick up our chickens and sausge at First Congo. Might go to the pound and look at some dogs.

Ready to go home.

RUBBING THEM THE WRONG WAY

2009-01-20T14:39:00.005-06:00

Hahahahahahaha! The religious folks are so predictable! All I have to do is make one comment. Of course, it works both ways. But why is theirs always about hate or being superior? The only "noble" cause they have is abortion. And they have even fucked that up. No one looks forward to abortions, no one in their right mind, that is. Why is it they are pro-death penalty. Why do they not care about poverty? It seems they are just "pro-birth". Why help them after they are born?

First of all, look at the voting record. Who is more "Christ-like"?

Second, why is violence okay in the name of religion?

And lastly, think for yourselves.

SNOW!

2009-01-20T09:31:00.001-06:00

The cleansing snow has come! What a nice coincidence...I am so excited about the inauguration.

WHITTON FARMS CSA

2009-01-16T16:16:00.004-06:00

Megan and I have joined the Whitton Farms CSA, and are greatly looking forward to the summer bounty that is sure to come!

We were part of Ohana Farms CSA last year, and it was a good experience. Getting a bag or box containing various vegetables was always so exciting! Jay would deliver to the house, and Megan and I would almost be waiting at the door when he showed up. We started buying kale, chard, and other things we hadn't really thought about before. I was always looking forward to whatever recipe Megan was going to find for our new little friends. Unfortunately, all of Jay's crops failed in August due to fungus or something else sinister.

Back to Whitton Farms. We talked to Jill once, and bought their produce several times. I think I got the hottest jalapeno ever(!) from them. The CSA is a great way to not only help yourself eat healthier, but to support a local farmer. There are many options, so it is easy to find a program that fits everyone's needs. We have decided to go with the half-share, and our pick up spot will be at the Memphis Farmer's Market on Saturdays. I love the farmer's market, the honey, goat cheese, and beef are my favorites. Last summer, it was a nice way to get out of the house, and a great excuse to get up a little earlier than normal.

It's shaping up to be a great year.

I FORGOT!

2009-01-16T12:39:00.001-06:00

Please visit my wife's blog here. She has a really enjoyable one.

FRIDAY POST - PBR"S

2009-01-16T11:49:00.007-06:00

Last night was a really good time. Megan and I went to Young Avenue Deli for live team trivia, a concept my friend Britt started in Memphis. I hosted trivia shows all over town for about a year before a massive flameout ensued. Late nights, free drinks, shady friends, and an unhappy girlfriend(now wife) are not a good combo.

The host was pretty good, and the questions were just right. I missed a couple of ones I shouldn't have, but isn't that always the case? We came in fourth. Just out of the money. The wife and I had a great time. I haven't been to the Deli since 2004. We both noticed that the crowd is very different from what it used to be. There were a lot of "salesmen". They had the same hair, cheesy attitude, and wool coats. I hate that I used to be just like them. Ah well, we can't all be as genteel and affable as me. I didn't mention the best part, the PBR cans. LOVE them. I am so glad that I can now go to some great bars and get the can.

I stepped away from the bar for a minute, and Megan had ordered chili cheese fries. OUTSTANDING! And for five bucks? Sign me up.

My friend Paul posted a link to my other blog on his site. So far, traffic is up a decent amount. Thanks for the shout-out.

This weekend is going to be a relaxed one. Since we got a collection of over 500 dvd's for Christmas, we will be watching movies at home. I'm making chili tomorrow, too. I make great chili, it's all in the cinnamon.

That's all for now, ready to get off work and head home.

ITS AN ABOMINATION?!?

2009-01-14T16:05:00.002-06:00

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:
Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:
When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?
A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?
Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
Your devoted fan,
Jim

I DONT POST ON WEEKENDS

2009-01-12T08:07:00.003-06:00

I will seldom, if ever post on the weekend.

I enjoy my time with the wife, dog, and cat far too much to have it interrupted for that.

This weekend was great.

Went out Friday to dinner at Nagasaki. They have the best dressing! Everyone at the table seemed to have a good time. Try the Nagasaki Special drink. It tastes like strawberry milk & rocket fuel. Afterwards went went to the Voodoo Room. Paul came up there too. I love that place, it's my new favorite bar. We had PBR's, a shot or two, and played Wii bowling. Overall, it was a great time. On the way home, we stopped at Checker's. Thats always a party unto itself. Double champs with cheese, fries, and the newest discovery - the fish sandwich! Damn, its good.

Larry & Norma cam in town with holiday gifts. They are so thoughtful. We got a huge cabniet/bar/stand for the living room. It is now the nicest thing we own. I looks amazing, and I can't imagine the amount of work that went into it. Also included was a Lodge dutch oven that had been refurbished. Wow! I have been wanting one of those for some time. Had a nice meal and sat around for awhile, really enjoyed the company. They were sent home with a loaf of home-made cheddar & pepper bread.

We watched some movies from our extensive collection that we also received. It was over 500 of them, all catalogued and in order. It's nuts!

Yesterday was spent rearranging the furniture around the new piece. Also hit the grocery store, I love Whole Foods. This weekend was a really fat one. McDonald's twice. Ugh.

Last night I ignored the Golden Globes while Megan enjoyed. I read in bed for a while. Got to sleep kinda late, so I am a little tired. Just means I'll sleep good tonight. It's not like I am going to watch "How I Met Your Mother" with those jackasses guest starring. I didnt watch the Britney episode, either. I never will.

PLANS FOR FRIDAY NIGHT IN MIDTOWN

2009-01-09T15:34:00.002-06:00

Hitting the bars after Nagasaki. I am too excited!

FRIDAY UPDATE

2009-01-09T14:46:00.001-06:00

I am not verbose today. I want to go out and play. I am also a butt.

WEEKEND IN MEMPHIS

2009-01-08T12:18:00.003-06:00

Here's the happenings. I need to work on my photo blog. A list of the places I plan to attend this weekend.

Brooks Museum
P & H Cafe
The Cove
Hi-Tone
Overton Park
Blue Monkey
Calhoun's
Voodoo Room
Lobster King
Nagasaki

I may try to make it out to Arlington to visit the folks as well.

OH THE HUMANITY!

2009-01-08T11:05:00.004-06:00

I get a message from a guy I knew in high school. He noticed that I "became" a fan of Richard Dawkins on Facebook. His reply was that I was "too smart" to be a fan of his. The best part is this ---> :)

The smiley. What a weak-willed way to take the edge of what he was saying. If I say something, I stand behind it. No qualms, no buts about it. It's one thing to be nice, it's another to be silly about it. Anyways, he also remarked that I seemed "optimistic" and then....Yep, you guessed it. The smiley. Jeez. Pun intended.

I am optimistic, I am just tired of all of the crap that goes along with the way most people treat others under the guise of religion. I am revolution.

Speaking of FB, I decided to update some of my interests, movies, and books. After all of it, FB has an error. Urgh. Who knows when I will get around to doing it again.

Looks like a good weekend coming up.

NTN TRIVIA in downtown MEMPHIS

2009-01-07T16:22:00.004-06:00

NTN is coming to Calhoun's. Super SWEET! It's been far too long since I have a had a great place to play. BWW sucks.

I could always go to Dru's Place, but they would like Megan a lot more than me.

My day is made.

Horoscopes for the coming year

2009-01-07T12:29:00.002-06:00

Courtesy of The Huffington Post, our horoscopes for the coming year:

Megan's:
VIRGO: WORK matters can grow by leaps and bounds this 2009. New people, new inventions, new visions can all make your service truly innovative. Stick to disciplines that genuinely pay off and support your mastery. But let go whatever keeps you small or isolated. The Aquarian Age is busting into your work, so embrace the bigger part you could play in this world. Deal with unexpected challenges the name of growing and learning so more folks can benefit from working with your talented self.

Mine:
CANCER: OTHER PEOPLE's transitions can usher in tremendous growth for you this year. You could benefit from life changes of those around you. You might inherit some money, benefit from the growth in your partner's income, or simply be in the right place to catch the bounty from another person's shake-up. Intimacy can be enhanced as you attend to others' crises. All this can show that what seems like something "bad" on the outside can also have a tremendous "goodness" that can redeem, if we allow it to.

Why do people suck?

2009-01-07T10:27:00.004-06:00

People on Facebook disappoint me.

Yesterday a guy I know from my youth, let's call him Cheeseburger, made a seriously ignorant comment as his status update. He said something along the lines of him seeing a woman with an 8 month old child and seven months pregnant with another. Only he referred to the children as "tax credits", and then said, "Yay, welfare". He has religious quotes and heroes on his page. What a prick. I pity him. He's a product of good ol' Suthurn' Batis' churches. I regret that even invited him to BBC in middle school.

Lounged with the wife last night. I enjoy her company.

We got milk AND eggs! Our local lady had both. I thought it would be too cold for the hens to lay, but apparently not. The cows are producing milk as well. Love it.

The only drawback is one of Megan's friends. She is playing some kind of funny game. She is dating a guy who she has been talking about, in a bad way, for a few weeks. Here's the thing. Now that "he loves her", she thinks he's great. She is being awfully needy. I wish she had the strength to be single for a bit. She's a fun girl and great company - just has self-esteem issues.

Wanting to get on the bike this weekend. I think Sunday is going to be the day. Here's how I am hoping the week goes:

Thursday - the Brooks
Friday - go out somewhere cheap
Saturday - Clean in the morning, Megan's dad visit in the afternoon
Sunday - get some riding in

I guess I'll see how it goes. I wouldn't mind a movie this weekend, either. I kinda enjoyed it last weekend. Maybe it was the movie, maybe it was the audience.

I need pics for my new blog: toilet of the day.

Tuesday mornings suck!

2009-01-06T09:57:00.004-06:00

Really, its not all that bad. Just a little chilly at first.

My f'ing neck is hurting today. I have to reconfigure my pillows or something. I took Advil as soon as I woke up. I'm not that old! After dinner I continued my enjoyment of Apocalypse Week on the history channel. I love that stuff, the wife - not so much. I could watch all of it for days on end. Been interested in that since I was a younger fella. It's even better since I don't subscribe to the Biblical version of "Armageddon". There are so many things out there, and so many theories, I find it fascinating. Come on, 2012!

I have been falling alseep early the past few days...which is strange, because i have been sleeping so much. Last night it caught up to me. At 12:31 I was awake. I stayed in the same state until about 2-ish. Whee! Good thing I didn't do like the wife and ask, "How can you be asleep? Are you asleep?"

I hate grainy apples. I have one staring me in the face.

One question that has been on my mind lately...what is it about Facebook that makes people crazy? There are some seriously chatty, needy, nosy, gossipy, "oh your family is precious", trivial, evangelical, app sending, freaks out there. The "normal" people I used to know are no longer normal. Did I change? I know that I am not going with the flow. I don't want to conform like everyone else, but I also don't want to be a conforming non-conformist. I want to be me, damn what everone else thinks. I do what pleases me. I am almost always polite and gracious, but I have never felt the need to accomodate someone when it really puts me out. I love to donate time & money to organizations that I deem worthy - (WKNO, United Way, Brooks, MIFA, Alzheimer's Day Services, Slow Food) but I can't be forced to attend my cousin's wedding.

Grrr.

Well, here it is...2009.

2009-01-05T08:37:00.003-06:00

My last post was almost a week ago. Last year. An eternity.

The new house is a no-go. For now. Seems that I can get out of my lease, only I would be liable for the remaining payments and my deposit. What a great deal! F that. Oh well, it's not like anyone in their right mind would rent the place. It has no dishwasher, slanty floors and a single closet. Its redeeming qualities are the huge fig tree in the backyard, exposed pipes in the bathroom, the large kitchen, and the stained glass window in the front sitting room. In other words, its perfect. For us.

New year's day was spent in bed with the wife, the dog, and the cat. It was great! We watched movies and snuggled and kissed - the wife and I did too. Friday was a lazy day as well. I need to find some way of sharing the restaurant stuff with the day-to-day activities without being redundant. I'll figure it out later.

So Friday night we were heading to dinner at Nagasaki. Booked until 830? Holy balls, I had no idea the place was that popular. Next time I'll make reservations a year in advance. Switched it over to La Hacienda cause we had a coupon and it was recommended by a few folks. I hate Cordova. Lo, and behold, who was there? None other than the folks that recommended the place. They really do like it. I have to agree.

Afterwards, we went to the boss' lady's house for Wii bowling and drinks. Had a great time! I love the Wii. It should be called WHEE! Drank the beers and we had shots, too. The fave was my vodka that nobody wanted to try at first. My coriander-lavender-ginger-lemon infused goodness. A big hit.

Saturday was spent just like Thursday and most of Friday. In bed. I am a bit of a drag around the holidays, used to be worse. I HATED them and sulked for weeks. Thanks to my drugs(prescription), that has been minimized greatly. We watched TV, read books, and cooked a little bit. Overall, a nice day.

Yesterday, I lounged until about 1130 or so. Getting up to go get some breakfast. Came back home and embarked on our "downsizing". It was really good therapy. I have enough clothes that my closet is full of clean ones, and the dirty ones fill up two hampers, and that's not counting the stuff in my dresser. Wife is the same way. We filled up bags and bags of stuff for Goodwill, Plato's closet, and the trash.

There had to be a couple thousand dollars worth of stuff in those bags. We are keeping all of the books, of which we have at least 7 boxes. I like books, a lot. Just waiting on a place where they will be able to be put out on deserving shelves and bookcases. Cleaned out the rolling pantry, the car. Found our missing Tupperware and silverware. To be honest, it was never really lost, I knew where it was, just needed to go pick up a pair of haz-mat gloves to go get them.

Everything is ready to go, I just wonder when it will...the wife is sure to let me know.

Here's another thing I need to get off of my chest. We have a lady in our neighborhood that provides raw milk from her cows in C'ville, and nice eggs from chickens in her backyard here in E Memphis. The thing is, we are being shafted by unscrupulous customers of hers. We go to get our order and it is gone. I'm done with it. I will not stoop to their level. We can just go without the raw milk. I can find some that has no hormones and no rBGA, rBST. The eggs would be nice, but I am so tired of seeing my wife's feelings hurt when there are none for her. She is so cute and happy going with her little dollars to get them, and then so sad coming back down the drive with those same little dollars. It REALLY hurts and also makes me a little pissed every time.

Almost forgot, went to see Marley & Me with the wife. We both cried like hell and went straight home to hug the dog.

Time to start the week.

Year-end inventory

2008-12-30T11:34:00.003-06:00

So the house thing is really getting to me. I never should have put the cart before the horse and looked at that new place. Now I am antsy as hell. Going tomorrow to talk to the leasing company to ask to be released from the lease, or would that be "deleased"?

So, this morning has been kinda long. Ready to hit the road and get out for a few days. Wish I could drive one direction for 2 days and then turn around and drive back for two days.

I need snow. Since almost three years ago, snow has had a special meaning for me. It's cleansing and refreshing and fills me with emotions I can't explain. I wish I was poetic, I could really do something nice with that.

I am looking forward to trivia tonight. Mostly I am looking forward to something new. This year has been a year of changes, and growth. I am the same person as before, but almost unrecognizable in retrospect. Is it more balance? I like the same things, but I like them in different ways. I like myself, but in different ways.

Starting in about the year 2000, my life went on a tilt-a-whirl. At times I was so dizzy, I was physically and mentally ill. I wanted off the ride, but didn't know how to scream out loud enough to be heard. Standing on the side, everyone thinks you're having a good scare, but it's like dying a little at a time. I hate the tilt-a-whirl. I hate the roller coaster that things became. I wanted to walk along the concessions and get fat off of the simple things, and breathe the sausages, the funnel cakes, and relish in the rotten trash cans. I have been able to do that lately. Life is good. The fair is good. I like controlling the ride and not letting some toothless, balding, asshole tell me what to do. I like the corn dogs. I love the deep-fried snickers.

Nice to meet you, 2009. I have been waiting for you.

Yes yes yes

2008-12-29T16:51:00.002-06:00

Tomorrow is the last day of the work week! Trivia at the P & H to follow!

Zzzzz.

2008-12-29T14:50:00.002-06:00

I am so bored. Why, oh why am I here? One more day until I get off for a bit.

On a good note, I get the strong feeling that P and I may be able to move soon. I hope the house is still available.

Cooking steak tonight, to give the new behemoth grill a test run. Really looking forward to NYE meal with P. I hope some of our flaky friends might be able to make it. Wonder what wine goes well with chantrelles? I need to go get some bubbly - cava, prosecco, or champagne.

"Whinding" down

2008-12-29T09:31:00.003-06:00

So, the last part of holiday season 2008 upon us.It has been interesting to say the least. I feel that I am in transition, besides the wife and job, nothing seems permanent or stable.

The house we live in may be in foreclosure if the owner doesn't pay up. It's bittersweet b/c I want to move, but I hate the process. What if the new place has problems not encountered on our 10 minute "inspection"? I want to downsize, but how much can I get rid of, and where to put it?

My family is in transition, too. I feel they are not living up to their potential for good.

2T is moving back from San Diego, and probably doesn't have a penny to her name. How is that possible? And give me a break from the talk about guys and drinking...I know you have more substance. I hope.

Mouse's husband spends a lot of time away from home, hunting and doing various things. That's his thing, though. Mouse isn't working, again. She seems to like it, and would if they could afford it. They would be able to if it weren't for all of the stuff they accumulate. Their garage looks like the receiving dock of a Goodwill. The midget is growing up SO fast, she talks just like an adult at times. Hell, she talks better than some adults I know. She will definitely be a handful in her teens. A little Karma for the Mouse, I suppose.

My Dad is still doggedly pursuing the career. He wants to retire someday and then go into business for himself. A noble gesture perhaps. My mother needs to get out of the house, perhaps some volunteering would do her some good. She seems to have a myopic world-view.

I am a judgmental ass. I know.

A certain girl is jumping between two of my friends. It's like when you stay in a hotel room and the double beds are just so tempting. Bounce, bounce. Thing is, you usually don't talk bad about the beds.

More later.

Yum!

2008-12-26T09:08:00.005-06:00

Went to Casa Blanca last night. I had the vegetarian platter, P had the lamb shawarma. Sweet balls, it was great! Stuffed grape leaves, some spinach in phyllo, and some other concoction. Just delicious. The lamb pita was too good to be true...the addition of sweet pickle set the whole thing off. I can't forget the tea - ginger, honey, and coriander(?), the perfect compliment to the complex flavors in our meals. Almost made me forget that I really wanted some wine with dinner. I couldn't get over how a little lemony flavor wound its way through everything. I will definitely be back.

Ugh.

2008-12-26T07:53:00.004-06:00

So, here I am.

At work on the day after Christmas, WTF? I can think of nothing more useless to do today. I could be at home, not taking the nespapers out for recycling, not putting together the grill, and not getting out of bed, and still feel more productive.

The holiday was pretty nice overall. This has felt like the longest week EVER, and it's still not over. Did a decent amount of driving, as usual. Next year, I think I am going to try to minimize my involvement. Got to spend some quality time with the wife and family, it was nice. The lowlight of the time was my stupid ass cousins showing up "altered" at my grandmother's house. I felt like punching every one of them in the gut. The highlight has to be Christmas morning at my parent's house. I love giving gifts; almost as much as I hate receiving them.

Plans for the weekend include the usual; cleaning, sleeping, and errands. Perhaps I can find time in there do to a little painting. I have an idea for one.

Talked to the wife yesterday...could I be in works for going back to school? Hmmmm.

Countdown

2008-12-24T11:12:00.003-06:00

T minus 18 minutes and counting. Ready to get the show on the road. I have some last minutes things to do, and a couple of gifts to buy and/or make. I had an idea for a present for my uncle last night. I think he'll like it. Perhaps some mulled wine with the wife tonight. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, P!

Ho ho

2008-12-24T07:47:00.002-06:00

Hope I get out of here early today, this sucks. Stayed up late last night, about 2am couldn't sleep for some reason. Must be the excitement of the holidays. My office has 5 people in it, all waiting for the closing bell. In the background is that stupid song "I keep bleeding", I wish she would die already.

On a brighter note, the wife gets off early today. A whopping 1.5 hours early. Thanks for all of that extra "family time" Mr. Discount retailer.

Guess I am feeling a bit sarcastic today. Perhaps it has something to do with all of the "thoughtful" gifts that will be exchanged over the next few days in honor of the Feast of Saturnalia or Sol Invictus. I don't care for receiving gifts, although a Wii would have been nice, and I now have a sweet grill. Not for teeth, for cooking.

Alas, I shall sit and grow older while pondering life's existence. Or maybe not.

What's on for the weekend?

A new home?

2008-12-23T15:45:00.004-06:00

I got some news earlier that I might be able to get into that house on Jefferson. How f'ing great would that be?

On a side note - I let my sister know, in no uncertain terms, that I have no desire to set foot into Hope Church. I have not liked what people are when they come out of that place.

Ugh

2008-12-23T14:20:00.000-06:00

Kill...me...now...There is no reason why my office should be open right now. I have not had a call in over an hour. The only excitement was one guy that was looking for 4 inches of hose we didn't have. For his carpet cleaner. "Sorry, don't have it." Then he and his near-tard son proceed to the restroom where they piss on the floor and throw trash in the toilet afterwards. On the way out he uses the water hose(it's raining outside and 30 degrees), after he UNHOOKS it from our hydrostatic tester. Thanks buddy. That will be 150 bucks next time.

My First Post

2008-12-23T10:24:00.000-06:00

Upon the suggestion of my wife, I am starting my blog. I usually have something to say, but in the course of being a respectable part of society, I don't often say it. I suppose those days have now ended.